Thai Curry? No Worries!

So, you’re a fan of Thai curries? Of fucking course you are! But how do you make it? I have absolutely no idea, so instead I rely on my old pals at Thai Kitchen to whip up some paste for me to purchase at the store and call it a day. If you want to fill your household with the delicious smell of simmering curry, (it’s super fucking easy, so don’t be a wimpy deer…) all you have to do is follow this little guide.

Red Thai Curry

Red Thai Curry

What yarrr be needin’

2 Chicken Breasts, cut into bite-sized chunks, 1 Can Coconut Milk, 1 32oz Box of Chicken Broth, 1 Jar of Red or Green Curry Paste (I used red for my trial of this recipe, but both would work), 1 Stick Lemongrass, cut into quarters, 1 Red Bell Pepper, cut into thin strips, 1 Green Bell Pepper, cut into thin strips, ½ Bunch Asparagus, cut into thirds, ½ Yellow Onion, cut into thin strips, 1 Small Eggplant or 2 Japanese Eggplants, cut into 2 inch chunks, 3 Carrots, peeled and cut into rounds, 1 Can Bamboo Shoots, 1 Large Handful Bean Sprouts, ½ tbs Fresh Grated Ginger, 1 Handful Fresh Basil Leaves, ripped into pieces

What yarrr be doin’

Throw, no seriously, throw, the eggplant and carrots into a super fucking large pot with 1 inch of water. Steam them for approximately 5 minutes over high heat. This means that you put a lid on it, Bro. Drain the veggies and set them in a bowl to the side.

Throw the chicken into the pot you just used and brown it over high heat. “But Robble, won’t it stick to the bottom and create a huge mess?” If you’re stupid it will. Just stir the chicken. Problem solved.

Put the steamed mix as well as the asparagus, peppers, lemongrass, bamboo, onion, coconut milk, jar of curry paste and chicken broth in the pot with the chicken. Stir and cook, covered, for 10 minutes. Remove the lid and cook for an additional 10 minutes.

Add the ginger, bean sprouts and basil. Cook until the sprouts are tender. Season to taste. “How do I season to taste, Robble?” Does it need more fucking salt or pepper? Then add it. Seriously, how can you be so bad at this…? Boom, you’re done. If you like your curry thick, just boil it down some more. If you like it thin, leave as is. Best served in bowls with a scoop of jasmine rice.

If you ask me how to make rice, I will shank you.

Devour. Do your dishes. Smell like curry for the next three days.

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